


I Almost Forgot

by jajajajeni



Series: Living with the Enemy [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec just feels really bad, Boys In Love, Domestic Fluff, Forgiveness, Guilt, M/M, Magnus Bane's Song for Alec should be The Cure by Lady Gaga, Post-Coital Conversation, Protective Raphael Santiago, Soft Magnus Bane, love love love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 16:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jajajajeni/pseuds/jajajajeni
Summary: A week after Valentine and Magnus' body switching fiasco, Alec feels the crushing guilt of almost helping execute his boyfriend, so they have a conversation about it. Forgiveness, declarations of love, and oh, their being representatives of the opposite sides of the upcoming revolt.





	I Almost Forgot

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is the first ever fic that I am posting here...or well, anywhere. So, you know, be gentle on me. Also, English isn't my first language, just...for your information. I am very conscious about my English writing capabilities. 
> 
> Also, I don't mean to turn Magnus' pain into Alec's. This is just something that came to my head and I typed it down before I change my mind. Magnus' pain is his, and I am planning to write down a fic dedicated to him and what he must have felt. But it's quite hard to relate to that, because I don't have the experience and I don't want to make light of his situation. Now, Alec's situation is something I could relate more to. Having a hand in causing someone pain, everyone has somehow experienced that, and the crushing guilt that comes after, sleepless nights of not knowing if you could have changed the outcome had you done things differently. And knowing that you've hurt someone you love...
> 
> Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on about it. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea that I'm belittling Magnus' pain. It's just that I relate more to Alec's side...aaand I'm repeating what I've already written. Maybe I'm channeling my inner Simon Lewis because of my nervousness about people reading this baby. My baby. Okay, I'm going to shut up now. Sorry about that.

“One action of a Downworlder is not the action of the whole, Alexander,” Magnus told Alec. “That’s like saying that we, Downworlders, should hold Valentine’s actions against all of you.”

Magnus continued to stir the pot. Alec was cutting some bread on the kitchen counter next to Magnus. He didn’t like the situation any more than Magnus did. This whole conflict arrived too soon. It hasn’t even been a week since Magnus and Valentine switched bodies, and he couldn’t help but glance at the man wearing the black apron with the pictures of different cats. If Valentine didn’t show himself in Magnus’ body, he would have been too late to stop the execution. And that thought scared him more than the time the Soul Sword was activated.

Because he would have had a hand in Magnus’ death.

Magnus suddenly turned the stove off, and faced Alec. “I’m fine, Alec.”

Alec placed the bread knife on the chopping board. “You have nightmares. It’s been a week and you still do. That’s not fine, Magnus. You’re not yet fine.”

He gifted Alec with a small smile. “I’m still better than I was yesterday. And I will be better tomorrow, and the day after. I _will_ be fine.”

Magnus must have seen the guilt in his eyes, because he stepped closer to Alec, and held his face in his hands. “If it wasn’t me who switched places with Valentine, I would have doubted him as well.”

Alec shook his head slightly, not wanting to shake off Magnus’ touch. “If it was me who switched places with him, I know for a fact that you would have noticed. I know it, Magnus.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But it’s done, Alec. I didn’t die. I…”

“But, that’s just it! You could have!” He was then consumed with so much guilt that he stepped back. He didn’t deserve Magnus’ gentle touch. He didn’t deserve Magnus’ forgiveness. He didn’t deserve Magnus.

But, Raziel, he wanted him.

“Don’t you understand, Magnus? I would have had a hand in your death. Imogen told me to stand watch, and I _did._ I left you there. By God, I gagged you, strapped you down, made sure you won’t get away. I… I… Every time I think about what could have happened… Every time…”

Magnus’ voice was but a whisper. “I’m not the only one who has nightmares.”

Alec wanted to disagree. It didn’t seem fair for him to be experiencing the same things Magnus did. He didn’t go through torture. He didn’t time travel to all those memories he didn’t want to remember. Magnus was the only one who had the right to feel the effects of what happened.

“I see you,” Alec started, his voice matching Magnus’. “I see you on the floor in front of me. Lying on the ground, stabbed, bleeding, calling out to me. And I just stand there, watching you die.”

“I won’t pretend to be strong,” Magnus said. “I know I have been through some things, pleasant things, bad things, embarrassing things, but this one somehow beats everything else. Maybe because you were there.”

Alec felt like Magnus punched him. But he wasn’t done.

“Maybe it was worse because I prayed so hard that you would see _me._ I thought that maybe you would feel my desperation, my pain, my _love_.”

Alec flinched. He didn’t want to listen anymore, but he made himself tune even more.

“The fool in me believed that, just because my feelings for you were deep, you’d somehow believe me.”

“Shouldn’t that be the case?” Alec wondered. He should have felt something, shouldn’t he?

Magnus smiled softly, and Alec resisted the urge to wrap himself around him. He wanted to kiss him, to prove to Magnus, and himself, that Alec’s feelings matched Magnus’. He wanted to prove that Magnus’ feelings are reciprocated to the full extent. That this was not a one-sided, tragic love story waiting to happen. Alec was serious.

“Those could happen in real life, sure.” Magnus stepped closer again. It seemed to Alec that he might always make the first physical move, but it was always Magnus who makes the first effort in connecting them in a deeper sense. “But real life is often influenced by dreams, wishes, and ideals. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship wherein you would have been able to know that it was me. I hoped for it, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was wishful thinking.”

Magnus then took a deep breath. “Alexander,” he started. “I need you to listen to me. I need you to not just listen, but understand and accept what I will say.”

Alec breathed in as well. Just as deeply. He nodded.

“I. Forgive. You.” He smiled fully now. His eyes crinkling. Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Magnus. “I will always forgive you. It may take some time depending on what you did. If it’s as ghastly as you buying me a black sweater…”

Alec laughed. He couldn’t help it.

“…it may take me maybe a month before I forgive you then. But, I will always, always do. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, I will still be there for you. I will always care for you. And I will always, always love you.”

It was Alec who held Magnus’ face then. It fascinated him that Magnus could still feel ticklish in that moment, but Alec chuckled when Magnus let out a little giggle. He touched his forehead against Magnus’ and smelled his unique scent. Words couldn’t even begin to describe his thankfulness to whatever force that brought them together. This man has fought for him since the beginning. This man has fought for their love from the start. And no matter how many times Alec pushed him away, he wasn’t deterred.

“I will always be thankful for your stubbornness, you know,” Alec told Magnus, their foreheads still touching, eyes closed, savoring the moment, the quietness. “I hope…”

Alec cleared his throat when it became difficult for him to talk. “I hope you also understand,” he said. “I hope you listen, understand, and accept what I have to say.”

Magnus laughed when Alec returned his words. “I know that I will do things, say things that will hurt you. I may do them unconsciously, like saying hurtful things when I am angry. Or maybe consciously, like buying you that black sweater for an anniversary or some occasion…”

Magnus gasped at that, clearly offended at the idea.

“…but I do love you. I hope you know that your love is not being ignored by me or being taken advantage of. I know I don’t often show it, it’s always been you who reaches out to me first. Not physically,” he quickly added when Magnus opened his mouth to argue. “But you, you keep on being understanding. You keep on loving me. And I know I’ve hurt you, not just last week, but even before that.”

Magnus nodded when Alec stopped.

“I love you, Magnus.”

Magnus smiled, feeling as if they could now shut the door on this one and move forward. And Alec felt it, too. It felt easier to breathe now. And he could look at Magnus without his heart clenching in pain, his soul screaming in agony. Magnus was Magnus. His Magnus. His boyfriend, friend, lover.

They didn’t know it then, but their thoughts were one and the same.

Mine.

Alec smiled now. Fully smiling with his eyes crinkling just like Magnus’. His teeth showing, his whole body more relaxed. And Magnus. Beautiful, wonderful Magnus, he was happy. And that was all Alec needed.

“I think I’m going to lean down now, and kiss you,” Alec murmured.

“Please do, because I think we’ll both have permanent marks on our foreheads now.”

Alec laughed, leaned back first to see that, sure enough, there was a red spot on Magnus’ forehead. He shook his head in amusement, then leaned down to kiss his man.

“Alexander,” Magnus murmured in between kisses. “I know this may sound insensitive after what we just exchanged tonight.”

“Uh-huh,” Alec continued to kiss him.

“But…” Magnus lost his train of thought when Alec licked his lips, asking for entrance. “Oh, screw dinner.”

Alec leaned back, just a little. “I was hoping I could screw you.”

Magnus’ eyes widened. “Did you just… my, my Alexander. I seem to be a bad influence on you.”

Alec rolled his eyes at that. “You just figured that out now?”

Magnus shrugged and wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist. “Now, where were we?”

“Well, I think we were just about to head to the bedroom.”

“Lead the way.”

[][][]

“What were we talking about before we got sidetracked?” Alec asked as they both laid down on the bed, Magnus was using Alec’s stomach as a pillow so they were lying perpendicularly to each other on Magnus’ king-size bed. How they got to that position, Alec could not, for the life of him, remember.

“Can’t remember.”

“We were talking about Downworlders. And us. And…” Alec yawned.

Magnus cleared his throat. “This might be a bad time to inform you this, Alexander. But the warlocks have chosen me as their representative for the upcoming revolt.”

“Of course, they would. No one’s more powerful than you.” It was said in such an obvious statement that Magnus couldn’t help but smile. “I’m also representing the New York Institute alongside Imogen, who I don’t know when she’ll leave now that she’s found Jace.”

“I guess we’re now at odds with each other.”

“I guess so.”

They were both smiling as Alec ran his fingers through Magnus’ hair. Magnus let out a little giggle.

“What’s so funny?” Alec asked with his lopsided grin still present.

“I’ve always wanted to know how it felt to sleep with the enemy.”

Magnus wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he heard Alec mutter “dork” before he grabbed his hand and went to round three, four, he didn’t know anymore.

[][][]

Shadowhunters marched forward in the middle of the night. Darkness surrounded them. On the other end, Downworlders stood together in different forms. Werewolves snarled, Vampires bared fangs, Warlocks showed their marks, and Seelies were in armor.

This wasn’t actually a fight. It was a final chance to end this revolt before it started. But since Imogen was leading the Shadowhunters, it didn’t seem like it was going to happen.

As the acting head of the New York Institute, Alec stepped forward. “There’s still time for you to stop this,” he told the Downworlders. He knew that it was a futile statement, but he had to try. If not for peace, then at least to give a chance to Downworlders to explain their side.

“We didn’t want this Alec,” Luke told him. The alpha was the only one among the werewolves who was in human form. “You have accused us of crimes we did not commit. You want us to wear trackers like a target. We are not pawns of the Clave. We do not answer to your whims.”

Cheers from Downworlders was deafening. Alec looked at Magnus, in line with Luke. He just looked at him with a raised eyebrow as if to say, “Well?”.

“We want peace, same as you all,” Jace answered. “A Downworlder committed a crime. We merely want to catch him. In order to do that, we have to find him first.”

“All Downworlders for the crime of one?” Raphael asked, tone mocking. “Shouldn’t we kill you all for the crime of Valentine? A Shadowhunter? Maybe we should have, Shadowhunters have done nothing but use Downworlders for their own desires.”

Magnus raised both eyebrows then, reminding Alec of what he told him the night they talked.

“We have offered you protection,” Imogen told them all. “We have upheld the peace, giving justice to everyone.”

“Justice?” Raphael scoffed. “Peace? Yes, I would guess you look at it as peace seeing as none of your people was killed when the Soul Sword was activated. You see it as justice when the Clave has yet to apologize to the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Yes, as you can see, your justice is biased and your peace a mirage.”

Alec saw Magnus smile fondly at Raphael. He knew the two of them have a relationship that is decades old. Magnus considers Raphael as his adopted son, and Alec assumed that Raphael, whether he admits it or not, loves Magnus just the same. And learning about what happened to Magnus added to their reason to revolt. If he was executed in Valentine’s body, there would have been no talks, no final negotiations.

The whole Downworld would have raised hell.

And Alec would have let them.

“We have endured much at your hands,” Meliorn said calmly. “It is time for you to see that we do not bow to you, nor do we agree with your blind laws.”

“The law is hard, but it is the law,” Jace said. Alec, Jace, Izzy, and Clary did not agree one hundred percent with the motto. They did not want to fight the Downworlders. Clary looked to where Simon stood, next to Raphael and Luke. They are friends, but they are also different people.

“We’ve formed alliances, relationships.” Clary looked at Luke and Simon, pleading them to understand. “Surely, there’s a better way to handle this.”

Alec saw Simon nod fiercely. For the first time since he met the man, Simon was rendered speechless.

Raphael bared his fangs at Alec and moved to lunge. Magnus held him back.

Yep, Alec thought. Raphael blamed him.

“You broke alliances for your own purpose,” Raphael growled at Clary, referring to her releasing Camille from her coffin. “You take advantage of relationships.” He looked at Alec. “Tell me, Shadowhunters, what have you paid Magnus Bane for all his effort to help you? Do you not, for a fact, take advantage of his love for one of you?”

Clearly, Raphael’s purpose in joining the revolt is more personal.

“The Clave has paid Magnus Bane for all his work.” Imogen told him. “As for his volunteer work, surely, that was his decision.”

“Magnus Bane is here,” Magnus finally said. His voice commanded attention as did his outfit. That afternoon, Alec was already ready and waiting, sitting on their bed, as Magnus picked one outfit after another, asking Alec’s opinion. Everything looked good, and Alec told him so, which only made it more difficult for him to choose. “I know they look good, Alexander, but this revolt is different, so I want to look magnificent.”

“Yes, the Clave has paid me for my work. Yes, I volunteered to help, because some Shadowhunters have become precious to me. And yes, Downworlders and Shadowhunters have forged relationships that are precious to both parties. But, the Clave must understand that there must be respect given for respect to be received. You do not treat Downworlders like criminals. You do not demand for DNA samples. And you do not accuse anyone of anything unless there is proof. I am not giving you a lesson, Inquisitor. I am aware that this is not new to you at all, what with you being alive for some years, right?”

There was clearly a hint of mockery, using age as the point. Vampires, Warlocks, and Seelies grinned. Magnus might have still a sore spot for the Inquisitor.

“Very well, you have given us your decision.” Imogen was clearly mad. “If you revolt, be aware that we will do our utmost to make sure to quell it.”

Izzy held Alec’s hand, not wanting this to happen. Alec squeezed hers in assurance. He didn’t want this anymore than she did, but their decision seemed to be final. “Alec, you must talk to Magnus. There must be a way to stop this.”

“We’ll find one.” It was a promise Alec intended to keep.

The meeting was over. There was no bloodshed. Not yet, anyway. But the revolt was only beginning, and Alec needed to find a way to appease the Downworlders before things escalate.

Everyone turned to leave. Backs turned to each other, ending alliances.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice made Alec turn around, as did the rest, Shadowhunter and Downworlder alike. “I almost forgot, we’ve ran out of milk and orange juice. Please pick some up on your way home, will you?”

[]END[]

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, hope you enjoyed that little fic. Say hi to me on Tumblr...do I just type in my username? It's the same as the one I have here. Oh, it's @dupil or just dupil? I'm new at this, so any tips and really gentle criticism would be appreciated. Be gentle, please, reaaally gentle. I have, like, onion skin. That's how easily I hurt. 
> 
> Thanks, anyway, for reading and, maybe, leaving a heart for me.


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